Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

my mouth tastes like poor choices

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(510): View more from California

I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.

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(209): View more from California

You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.

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(409): View more from Texas

There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.

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(352): View more from Florida

I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?

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(914): View more from New York

Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.

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(607): View more from New York

No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling

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(618): View more from Illinois

As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument

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