Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
