omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she told me i tasted like america
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
