I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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