i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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