theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize