Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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