I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
