My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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