Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
