Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
