he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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