you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
