dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
