She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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