so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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