look no pants
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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