we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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