I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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