she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
