I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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