And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
