I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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