btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
