Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
