nut hugger
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
