Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize