We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
