You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
