So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
