It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
