So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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