So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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