At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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