Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
