wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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