you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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