READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
