The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
