Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
