I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
