so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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