I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
