I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
