Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
