; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize