Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
