just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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