I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
