Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
