How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
