i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
