i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
