and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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