Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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