how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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