fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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