I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
