He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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