I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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