thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my phone needs a breathalizer
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
