Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
