dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize