She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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