You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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