Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
