Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
