My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
