i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
