dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
