I didn't shave. On purpose
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
